Recently, several bloggers, my subscribers, and I discussed how to feel more self-confident over the holiday season. I really want to share this with you so each of us will feel more confident this time of the year!
We feel insecure when we…
- Make an effort to influence other people’s behavior or thoughts: ensuring that everyone is content and that a positive attitude prevails…
- Want to refuse events when we don’t want to accept them……
- Respond to irritating statements or comments… “Did you gain weight?”
- Don’t plan our schedule such that we feel as though we have nothing to do during our time off!
I’ll provide you CLEAR and DOABLE SOLUTIONS to these 4 issues in this article.
Be prepared because you’re going to ROCK the holidays!
What about having 50% more self-confident whether you’re around people or by yourself? I’ve got you! You’re not alone!
TIP #1: Feel confident this time of the year: Do not try to control everything and everyone. Control YOURSELF and yourself only!
“It’s the time of the year to be happy!!”
The problem is these thoughts we’re thinking:
- Since we’re all here together, we should be delighted that COVID-19 is over!
- Since we are healthy and living, we have nothing to grumble about!
- Everyone should be kind and joyful, and there should be a wonderful vibe!
There is so much pressure—on you, the occasion, and everyone else!!
These ideas are lovely, but how do you act when you believe that “we should all be happy being together!”
The solution is:
RELAX! Take a deep breath and instead of trying to make sure everyone is happy (because we “should” be always happy!), ask yourself:
- What are YOU able to control?
- Who YOU are and how you’re acting during these events!
Therefore, let people act and be whoever they choose to be; you are not responsible for what they will say or do. Instead, choose how and as whom you want to present yourself at this occasion. (Is she easy to talk to? being receptive to others? posing inquiries…? YOU select that response!).
My second tip is how to refuse food or events when you really don’t want to, but you don’t want to offend others.
TIP #2: Feel confident this time of the year: Say “no” more!!
Raise the value of your yes by saying “no” more!!
I think this concept is fantastic and it’s very true!
If you say “no” when you actually want to say “no”, when you’re going to say “yes”, your “yes” will for sure sound more sincere… for both you and other people!
The problem:
We believe that when someone offers us something (a meal, a place to attend an event, etc.), we genuinely want them to be content, to like us, and to love us!
And we think that saying “yes” will make them happy.
In order to ensure that they both love and are satisfied with us, we must answer “yes.”
Saying “yes” to something when we don’t want to compromise our honesty with ourselves, which is another issue.
Something in our relationship with ourselves is broken because we don’t respect our actual wishes.
Remember, this is the most crucial relationship!
The solution:
First of all, be aware that people are ALWAYS affected by what they think about what you say or do, not by what you do or say.
Because of this, there are instances when it seems like we’ve done everything we can, and people still aren’t happy.
Because of something you DO or SAY, people will feel a specific way as a result of their reflection on it.
So, here are the two actions to take:
- Be certain about what you actually want to do.
- Express “no” firmly and without giving it an excessive amount of justification.
I enjoy saying something to the effect of “It’s extremely sweet of you, but no” in order to respect the other person’s wishes.
It’s not necessary to make it dramatic or anything.
And accept that they are experiencing feelings!
It’s okay if they experience sadness, annoyance, or disappointment.
We all experience unpleasant emotions, and they are very harmless.
Be tolerant of their feelings and… if that makes sense, be alright with YOU feeling emotions regarding THEIR emotions.
My third tip is how to respond to obnoxious remarks, responses, and queries.
TIP #3: Feel confident this time of the year: How to answer/react to annoying comments/answers/questions.
They are so annoying…!
People are saying things like, “You’re sure this is what you want to do with your life?” and similar phrases.
And that question irritates you! You are actually more annoyed by what you are THINKING than by what they said.
The problem:
So…
You’re certain that this is what you want to accomplish with your life, someone asks.
You immediately feel: They shouldn’t have told me that.
You feel: Annoyed
As you can see, it’s not what they said that made you feel annoyed but it’s what you’re thinking right after, what you make it mean.
The issue is that we truly have no influence over what other people say or do. Trying to change YOUR thoughts will be simpler than before!
The solution:
As we previously stated, it’s never what they said that irritated you; rather, it was a thought that sprang to mind immediately after what they said.
The answer is to PAUSE before responding or acting on it.
Your brain WILL (out of habit!) give you a notion such, “They should not tell me that,” and this time you’re going to act differently.
You’re going to be a scientist!
Look at that question/comment with compassion and curiosity:
I really wonder why they said that! How can I have compassion for them at that moment? This question/comment isn’t really about me!!
Even if that sounds pretty annoying, try this technique!
You’re going to have more fun for sure, no matter what other people do and speak!
The following is my final TIP: How to make the most of and enjoy your free time!
TIP #4: Feel confident this time of the year: How to optimize and enjoy your time off!
Last but not the least!!
The problem:
You now have some free time, which is exactly what you wanted! weekends, vacations, etc.
Each time, it goes by so quickly, and when it’s over, you feel like you didn’t fully unwind or accomplish the things you intended to.
And you’re frustrated with yourself for not keeping better track of your time.
You’re not alone!!
The solution:
The first thing to do is to notice when your mind is beating you up with thoughts.
Always either learn from the past or don’t get involved!
Consider the following today: Right now, you have the ideal amount of free time to pursue your interests (relaxing, getting stuff done…).
How is that possible for you?
Being extremely intentional with your time is the way to go.
Start very small.
Ask yourself: What is 1 thing (and only one to start with!) that I really want to do during this time? Read? Watch TV? Organize the kitchen?
And then, do that thing by saying to yourself:
- I’m choosing to do this now.
- I want to do this now.
- I find it enjoyable (organizing the kitchen? Okay, maybe you won’t really appreciate it right away, but you will enjoy the outcome!)
And if that overwhelms you and you’re not sure where to begin, don’t worry… Not only you, but all unicorns require more help.
You may receive coaching to conquer those challenges, just like great sportsmen (and less famous ones!), and you can have fun while doing it!
Be very cautious! Ingat lagi, kabayan!
Author: The Pinoy Engineer
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